Being True To Yourself...

How many of you can say you are 100% true to yourself?

I can say that I am in many aspects if not most aspects of my life, but when it comes to relationships I realised I was masked with fright and hid behind a wall of protection. The thing is, I figured that keeping my guard up and my wits about me would prevent me from hurting too much. I also thought I was being who others expected or wanted to me to be. You see I am a people pleaser to my detriment. If you are happy then so am I. However in this case it meant that the person I portrayed was not the person within.

As of last week I am being my true self in my relationship. Like I have said before, Bob Marley said '...everyone's gonna get hurt, you just have to find out the ones worth suffering for.' As I mentioned in my post go for it.

Leading on from there, this post touches more on the consequences and repercussions of trying to mask our inner-self. Sometimes we actually take on another persona as a means of hiding how we feel. We get so caught up and even confuse ourselves by becoming more like the person we are not. You then end up pretending so much for so long you cannot differentiate your own self. This can be a mistake.

In my case some of the characteristics I portrayed gave the impression that I am aloof, not bothered, and sometimes self absorbed. Not that I cannot ever be such things just as we all can, but that is really far removed from who I am fundamentally. I actually have had to work on being more self-centred and not just taking care of others. Therefore to be seen as self absorbed was non-sensical and upsetting. Nevertheless I owned it, I said the words 'sorry for not being who I am', and now I am working on being true to me and in effect not living a lie.

I also feel that whosoever does not like the true me that I will represent forthwith, need not interact with me. I know the the real me is just fine. I have never really doubted it. It was more a case of not wanting to expose the vulnerable side of myself, to avoid getting hurt and keeping those around me happy (or so I thought).

The thing I have also found out now is, if you are not feeling good about how you are representing yourself (and how can you be if it is not totally real) then those you interact with can feel a negative vibe. Your energy is funky, and they cannot relate to you in the way you intended anyway.

I have yet to see how me being me in every sense will impact my relationships going forward, but I feel liberated. I feel open and honest. I feel like I no longer want to hide behind a wall of fright and angst. I feel that as commendable as it is to try and please others by being what you think they want you to be, it can be just as admirable to please yourself too. I actually think my true colours shine a lot brighter than the fake facade anyway.

Being true to you does not only apply to relationships. There are people that put on a fake voice, those that pretend they possess more opulence and financial security than they really do, others that trick people into thinking they are someone other than who they are with skills they do not possess.

In an attempt to be accepted we can do some pretty silly things. I for one am over it. The effort it takes to be two people instead of the true one is not worth the effort at all. Just be true to you.

Love & Happiness...

Are Women Control Freaks?

Why do we Women feel the need to be in control of everything (yes this is a generalisation)?   This is very prevalent in our handling of relationships with our partners. 


We want to ensure that every stage of the relationship goes according to plan.  We plan the dating in our head and rehearse how it should go.  We get on the date and we think about how our futures will be with this person.  We start seeing them seriously and we dream up the details of our wedding day and how our kids will look. We have the wedding and kids, then it is the university graduation of the kids, the birth of the grand kids and the retirement plan. 


There is nothing wrong with planning forward but we often risk not enjoying the essence of relating to our partners in the moment, as we are too busy envisaging living life years ahead.


Men live in the hear and now.  If it feels good now they are into it.  If it doesn't they are not, and if it constantly feels wrong in the moment, they are gone!  If not in body then definitely in spirit.


It took me a while to realise this about guys and now I do as Pierre Corneille said: 'Do your duty and leave the rest to the Gods.'  I do my best for the here and now, then leave the rest to the heavens.  Do you know, things usually work out just fine.


I am realising that trying to totally control a relationship's destiny is too much like hard work.  It is more fulfilling to appreciate the good things now and nurture them as opposed to getting caught up in what might occur next year.  It is not just relationships.  We want to control everything so life can be perfect.  Nothing is perfect when will we realise this? 


We even want to control the toilet seat.  Do you know how many couples have arguments about this?  Typically instigated by us women (yes I was guilty in a past life, now I just put the seat down when I need to use it, just like he lifts it up when he needs to use it).   Where was it written that it should be down or indeed up anyway?  However full blown debates will occur about the apparent disposition of a toilet seat. 


The point is, we simply do not have time to waste being pedantic and controlling all the time (this goes for both men and women).  I know I am a lot more laid back, and certain things that would have been bothersome hold little importance nowadays.  I try not to be bothered to be honest. 


You know leaving life to the Gods, or Universe or whatever one believes in (and if you do not believe in a higher power then leaving things to Chance) is much less pressure. Let things just happen sometimes, and if it isn't how you hoped it would be, it probably shouldn't be.  Stop forcing, controlling and just '...leave the rest to the Gods.' It feels great I tell you.


Try it and let me know!

Letting Things Go.

It is my last week at my current job - yeah! I am eagerly anticipating my next role and intend to attempt to do as Wallace Wattles said - '...give every man more in use value than you take from him in cash value.' I intend to apply this by giving more than 100% and doing a great job! Give them more than their monies worth so to speak.

After almost 2 years here I am very excited to be leaving. It was great while it lasted, but I am glad for a new start and I'm ready to move on. Letting things go is the name of this post as leaving here to seek new opportunities even though I generally like this job has me thinking - Why do we stick with things just because? Why don't we just Let Go?

This applies to jobs, excess weight, clutter (so many of us hoard rubbish), annoying friends, but worst of all addictions and toxic relationships. The latter two I have witnessed are the hardest to let go of right?!! It seems that the older we get, the more we lack in wisdom when it comes to relationships sometimes, and the weaker we are at breaking bad habits.

Why does a beautiful successful woman choose to hang on to a guy that is useless, thoughtless, worthless and is LESS than she deserves and still stay for the long haul? Why would a smart guy with a great job and future choose to excessively drink, become a drunk and lose everything?

Bad past experiences, desperation, insanity, fear...it could be all or none of these but I see it time and time again. What ever demons possess us, insecurities that envelop us, fears that overwhelm us we have to let them go.

I too have been there, hoping an annoying relationship lasts, knowing I could do better, and I stuck with it. My poor excuse was infatuation and obsessed with not failing. Losing your rationale and knowingly being taken for granted beggars belief, but we do it. Stop!

• If you overeat - just stop. Get to the route of the problem, but while seeking to understand the reason try to get healthy in the interim.
• Ladies, bad relationship - you know it's bad. Walk!
• Gents, you're nagging girlfriend or wife is a serial cheat - move on.
• If you hate your job - go find a new one!
• Users addicted to recreational drugs - they do slow your brain flow - you know this - give it up.

What should YOU be letting go of right now - tell me? I just let go of a good job for a better one, so it doesn't always have to be about letting go of the bad, it's about what's better.


Am I making it sound too simple, that's because it is. We complicate the simplest things. Whatever it is that it is not good for you - and you have been choosing to do it anyway - LET IT GO!
If you can do better do. Be Better, Not Bitter (and SMILE)!

PS: See my Raising $$ page - 22 days to go I need your ideas.

Blessings!