Monday, 23 April 2012

It's OK To Not Be OK!

It it has been almost 2 months since I last blogged.  I was about to switch off my computer. I clicked on a button as all applications were not shutting down and my blog appeared.  I was somewhat startled and thought - it's a sign.  So here I am.   I'm back!

And where have I been?  I have just been... 
I have been consumed in my own world and not made time to get into the Blogosphere!  

I have been focusing on my Business and getting it launched this year (watch this space).  The intricacies of suppliers, websites, stock, distribution channels, import and export taxes,  branding, marketing, negotiating. A phenomenal amount of things to organise and there seems to be more and more each day.  It is both exciting and daunting.  I have become less of a procrastinator as a result though which is good.

While focusing on Business steps.  I have also been overwhelmed with Motherhood.  Trying to get KC into a good International School, dealing with his wants and needs ensuring he is learning to read, write and do maths.  Honing in on his Social skills and appropriate behaviour (he has a thing for burping out loud after every drink while making a tune out of it - not funny while eating in a restaurant).  Spending quality time with him so he feels the love.  Being a fun Mama to be around despite my own personal woes. Yes some of you may say this is nothing more than a lot of other Single Parents who are working full-time while also trying to run a Business have to deal with, but we all have our own tolerance levels and I have to admit mine have been low. 

Then there is  my day job where I have been coming to terms with the fact that I do not feel much love for the industry I have worked in for the past 14 years.

All-in-all I have been exhausted!  Continually feeling like I cannot cope due to the above, made me feel pretty low.  No tell a lie  - very low.  I went through a two week lull that I could not snap out of.   It was a process of months feeling overwhelmed (as I have written about previously), culminating in me temporarily shutting down and doing only what I deemed as necessary.  It was awful!  So, that's where I have been.

Fortunately I have a great support system.  I shudder to think of you out there that are completely alone.  If you are alone write to me, do not go through the down times in solitude!  Without my support system, my 2 week lull could well have evolved into full blown depression.  

Nevertheless, I truly am blessed...My Mother showed me love and made me realise that I have a lot going on and it was normal to find it testing.  Honey also lent a listening ear, jokes and hugs.  We often share notes and discuss how finding it tough as Single parents comes with the territory.  For Business stresses my Business Partner has been a dime a dozen and we are working it through together.  My Sisters also have served to provide laughter and love to make things a little more lighthearted.

Eventually I came out on the better side of my lull and realised, that it is OK.  It really is OK to be overwhelmed, tired, fed-up and admit you cannot cope right now.  It is normal to find times trying and difficult.  It is through being aware and mindful, allowing oneself to be whatever you feel without self recrimination that enables the weight of stress to be lifted.

Why I was struggling so intensely was I was upset with myself for finding it difficult.  I was reprimanding myself and wanting to be stronger.  Upon accepting that in order to maintain an equilibrium there will be times when it is overwhelming it was suddenly OK.  I could deal with it.  Funny huh?

I must also add: It hasn't all been doom and gloom.  I am a self preservationist and so I have ensured that despite challenges I push myself to have fun, as laughter and fun for me really is medicinal.  One of the things I did was go to a Jazz Festival in another country with someone I had never met before.  Being the Music fiend that I am, it was one of the best weekends I have had in years!  We saw Erykah Badu, Stevie Wonder, Al Jarreau amongst others.  Here is an excerpt...

I guess what I am trying to convey is don't be so hard on yourself.   I have to keep reminding myself that we can choose to have fun and not take it all so seriously. 

Allow yourself to take the good with the bad and when you are not OK and it is damn awful, that's OK.  It really is OK To Not Be OK.

You can also click here as a gentle reminder if you forget: (click the button on the screen).


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