Thursday, 29 September 2011

What Do You Want?

Do you really know what you want from life both long and short term?

I was thinking about this on the way to work today and I realised that most of us don't honestly know what we want.

Yes most certainly we all want happiness, good health, wealth, financial freedom, good people in our lives, love, peace and harmony and such delights. However that is all relative as good health for you may be very different from my idea of good health.  My idea of happiness could be merely having a steady paycheck. What is yours?

Do you ever really take note in detail of what it is you want?  This applies to day to day things too.  You go to the shops with the aim of buying groceries for  your weekly food supplies. How often do you come back with everything other than what you wanted?

Or you embark on a relationship and go over all the things you don't want.  You don't want to get hurt, you don't want to be used, you don't want to be taken for granted.  What is it you do want?

In my post Ask And It Is Given, I highlighted that what you focus on is what you  receive.  Therefore if you go to the shops with the mindset that you don't want to forget to buy an item, guess what, you'll forget. 

Similarly with love, if you highlight all you don't want, chances are you will get exactly that.  Declare what it is you do want.  Be it Appreciation of your kindness, consideration of your feelings, a great lover who knows how to float your boat (even that is relative and may require more details).   

Whatever the case may be, make sure your wants and needs are clearly communicated.  If you are in a rapport with another, then you must make things clear.  Don't assume you are on the same page, be sure.  As unless they have extra sensory perception they will have no idea.

Likewise with the groceries, communicate with yourself. You can simply write it down.  Easy no?  Read and follow your shopping list and you are guaranteed to return with what you want.

Communication is this key.  If you choose to ignore your list then you didn't really want what was on there in the first place.  If a loved one chooses to ignore what you have honestly communicated, they do not truly care.

We complicate matters unnecessarily when it can be pretty simple with a little proactive thinking.

Make a shopping list of your wants regarding every aspect of your life: Work, love, wealth, friendship, parenthood whatever is important to you.  Then communicate those desires so it is crystal clear to you, and others exactly what you want.


Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Style Icon

I thought I would share this. The lady just came up to me and started taking pictures (with permission of course).

Check out the shoes in line with the type of shoes in my collection coming out early 2012 - watch this space!

Go For It!

'Truth is every one's gonna hurt you, you just have to find out the ones worth suffering for.' - Bob Marley

I read this today and it keeps echoing in my mind.  I have been questioning steps I have taken in my approach to relationships both now and historically. I realize the older I get, the more I relate in a fear based fashion.

However I truly believe at this moment that 'There is no fear in love but Perfect love casteth out  fear' - John 4:18.

With this in mind, I will find the courage to relate through love and not fear.

Why is it so hard to be more trusting but wise?  Open hearted, even if doing so with caution?  How liberating would it be to just go forth knowing that you have nothing to fear but fear itself?  I am not suggesting to walk blindly. Eyes wide shut.  Be smart and listen to yourself.  If something tells you the steps you are taking are not right, they are probably not.  Go to your inner sanctum, and if the vibes are not consistent with what you feel they should be - walk.  However do not always tread in fear and expecting it not to be right.  Pure and simple, if it doesn't work it was not meant to.   Sometimes we need to fail at something to be sure it was not meant to be.

Additionally, never give up, just do better next time.  I am applying this to my new Business relationships.  Instead of thinking they have an agenda that is untoward, I am thinking like myself, they are merely keen for new, interesting and profitable business opportunities.

As with romantic relationships, bear in mind we only have one chance at life.  Therefore we should be open to letting go and giving our all to loved ones, as opposed to not loving enough so as to protect ourselves.  As like Bob insinuated we are going to get hurt at some point regardless,  we simply cannot avoid it.  With that in mind is it not better to experience loving with every ounce of your being and do so with good intentions and expectations?  You usually get what you expect. Look on the brighter side.

'In the end we only regret chances we didn't take, the relationships we were scared to have and the decisions we waited too long to make. There comes a time in your life when you realise who matters, who doesn't, who never did and who always will.' - Anon.

Thus, in the challenging realm of relating to others, fear not rejection, or being rebuked.  Fear not giving all you have got.  Fear not taking risks to get and give the love you want and need (bearing in mind the feelings of others too ).

Walk forward with love and good intentions.  Limit the concerns about things not going to plan and as a consequence your feelings getting hurt.

The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It's the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun. - napoleon hill

 Go for it! Just go for it!


Monday, 26 September 2011

The Power Of Silence...

Have you ever realized that silence can be far louder and far-reaching than spoken words?

In times of confusion you will find that going to a quiet place, taking stock of the things that are causing you to be confused and just being at one with yourself really works wonders.  The silence speaks volumes.

Sometimes the answers are abundantly clear but we cannot see the wood for the trees.  It only takes a moment of quiet time for the clarity to surface.

How annoying is it when your children or partner does not answer your question?  They have not said a thing, however it can fuel anger and despair. Why? Because silence is powerful.

You help someone and although you do it from the bottom of your heart the recipient does not show gratitude.  A simple thank you makes you feel appreciated and we all want appreciation.  However they say Nothing!  What emotions does that arouse?  

You see?  Silence in all it's forms has the power to move you, anger you, help you, free you. Use it!

The unspoken word can have detrimental effects I tell you.   It can also be a blessing.  Sometimes just being there for someone and saying nothing is much more comforting than unwelcomed advice.
You may want to verbally retaliate against someone for something they have said or have done to you.  Be silent.  Let it be. 

You have a headache.  Rest, be silent.  These are usually stress related.  

You have a question you need answering, wait, be still - the answers tend to be within.  Silence - let the answer come in it's time.  The right answers are not always immediately received.

Your ego keeps telling you to do conflicting things in times of decision making. If you can meditate do so.   Quiet the mind.  Shhhhhhh....

Many people cannot stand silence and being in their own company.  If you cannot be alone with yourself, how on earth do you expect others to want to be alone with you?

Take time out.  Be silent. Try it before you refuse to buy it.  
'Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence'. - Leonardo da Vinci

Dedicated to my Bro Kindred - Lumiere Sur Lumiere - thanks for the inspiration - you too are FYAH!! 


Saturday, 24 September 2011

Citius Altius Fortius - "Faster, Higher, Stronger" (Olympic Games motto)

Whatever we are doing, we can do better!  Do we always make the effort we are capable of? No! 

Complacency can lead to inefficiency and merely settling in a momentum of doing ok is not fulfilling your potential. Now you may want to be mediocre and if so then that's ok but not many of us would confess to wanting to amount to nothing.

I met an interesting woman who came to the bar I was at with friends yesterday.  She was alone sitting opposite where I was standing, and at a glance I could see her looking my way at regular intervals.  Eventually we got talking and she was hilariously funny. We exchanged numbers vowing to meet again.  I don't know if we will but I hope so.

It was a great evening.  During our conversation she mentioned her global travels with work and recounted interesting events that had us laughing loudly.   I commented that it was great that she had done so much and lived in so many places.  She then replied that it was a natural thing for her to do and the idea of people wasting their talents and doing nothing annoyed her.  She said she would hate to be someone that amounted to nothing.  

That resonated with me and I totally agree. I think hate is a bit strong but I do feel it is a pity when we don't try our best. With life being so short do we not owe it to ourselves to strive? Is it ok to exist with no end goals?   Not just to earn a living, goals to make your life a better one.

The Olympic Games motto is: Citius Altius Fortius  which means "Faster, Higher, Stronger" .

I think we could all benefit from being a little Citius Altius Fortius.

I am work in progress with regards to my journey to be the best me.  There are so many facets of me that it gets difficult at times.

As the title of this blog indicates, I want to be a Better Mother, Employee, Partner, Sister, Daughter, and Friend.  Above all I want to be better to me....I find it difficult to be the best at all of these things all of the time, but I can try and I will not give up!  

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Esse Quam Videri - To Be Rather Than To Seem. What Are You Saying About You?

I just completed a course on professional presence today.  It was very insightful and interesting to hear the notion that according  to studies, only 7% of what we say (content) has any impact vs 55% of how we come across in our body language (what we do, wear, our posture etc).  The remainder being our tone/sound.

Most of us know that how we look can unfortunately be how we are perceived.  However is that always accurate?

I wore one of my outfits that I designed today. This is typically how I would dress,  with a pop of colour at varying degrees.

From just looking at me, one of the other participants derived that I was a confident risk taker, sometimes enthusiastic who loves my job.  Huh?  She was right. How is that so?

Although she was right about me and in fact I was right for the most part about her too. How we look vs how we are as a person does not always correlate.  So how can we ensure we are accurately perceived?

Do you ever consider how you dress and how it will be regarded?  I am very self aware and I do put thought into what I wear.  I am in a senior position in a corporate organisation and going with the grain does have its benefits.   It is just that bog standard blues, grays and black outfits just do not represent who I am.  I typically only buy those colours to ensure that on occasion where a bright coloured outfit really just will not cut it, I am able to dress accordingly. 

I am fully aware that I bring colour to my organisation in many ways.  I also notice when people look at my vibrant dresses or skirts, and double take when I have my Afro out.   I do not dress like this with the intention of drawing attention to myself, I am just expressing who I am.  Wearing bright colours makes me smile.  Nevertheless I know I do draw attention to myself.

I am not actually sure how I come across and what the curious looks mean.  Does it mean that I should dress more conservative due to the perception that I may come across as an attention seeker, which as a result could deflect colleagues from taking me seriously?  

Perhaps as opposed to wearing an orange pair of shoes with a pink dress I could compromise and wear brown shoes.  Still a pop of colour but less shockingly so.

Do I care enough? Yes I do or it would not be up for discussion.  However I am somewhat of a non-conformist and I prefer to teach people that they can respectfully be true to themselves and remain professional.  Rather than not represent a true me.

Yesterday, I went out to meet some friends and one of the ladies asked if I could wear the dress I had on to work.  It was a 60s a line dress just above the knee.  I asked her if it was inappropriate.  She said no it was just that they were forced to wear corporate.   Where I work has a smart but casual policy.  I looked just fine, but perhaps if I wore a white blouse, black pants and black shoes like she had on, I would come across more professional it seems.

The jury's still out for me regarding whether I should conform to the corporate colours, fit in and be uniform.  Dress with the 'secretary' look.  The thing is, even if I did just wear the secretary style pencil skirt with a blouse, I would not be able to resist wearing a pencil skirt that is green with polka dots and a nice red blouse like I wore on Monday.  As I write, it does seem far out, but I love it!!

I will definitely work on my intonations, posture, eye contact.   I will be more mindful of how I articulate, the words I use and ensure that I am knowledgeable enough to convey my message effectively.  I will give my all and remain professional.  After all I got this far some how.  I may also  think twice before wearing Orange shoes to the office but for now I will still wear them.


Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Ask And It Is Given!

I read a book of that title many years ago.  I would say it is one of my suggested reads and one of the books that helped me at the start of my journey seeking a happier life.

I had been using the 'Law of attraction' long before 'The Secret' and such delights became popular culture.  I had no idea I was manifesting.  However my entire life events are evidence of me saying it is, and it being so.  The problem in being ignorant to this concept at the time though, was that I was not consciously specific enough about what I was asking for until recently.  

Sometimes I still am not.  Nevertheless I am working at it.  At times it takes months, weeks, days to get what I ask for but I always do.  The key is to be specific.  Even if you are not specific you still get what you ask for. 

For example, you say you want a like-minded, compatible, travel companion.  If they are like-minded they should be fun like you right? Perhaps, but not necessarily.   Instead of meeting a like-minded person who Iikes to travel that you can go on trips with and have fun with, you meet a like-minded person that likes to travel and is awful to be around.  Why?  You didn't also specify that you get along and have fun together.  Therefore you meet a like-minded person that likes to travel just like you asked, but they are awful to be around.  This is why the details are important!

What I do is write a list, not necessarily a long one but a specific one.  I write it like a shopping list that I am giving to a person that doesn't know what I like.  So instead of just saying I want biscuits, I describe the shape, the packaging, the size, even the price.  As simple as it may sound, the specifics make a huge difference.   In asking for what you want you must be purposeful and know you have it already!! Then it is given.  

2 weeks ago I decided that I was going to reduce my mortgage payments.  I am on a mission to be debt free as you know and then financially free soon after.  As such, I am trying to cut back (Jimmy Choos aside) where I can.  It is not a case of rubbing a bottle, a genie pops out and all my wishes come true, not exactly.  Nevertheless, I decided that I would reduce my  mortgage payments and I have.  

I went to my bank today and informed them that another bank is offering me a better rate and enquired what can they do for me.  They offered me a rate that was 1.35% less than I was paying them at that moment, and effectively reduced my monthly payments by over $500!!!  The same bank, with only just asking, no fussing, they just said - here you go!

Can you believe saving $534 a month in a matter or minutes? I was woo hoo-ing all afternoon.  All I did was ask and it was given.  I firmly believed they would give me something better and they did. It works really! 

A point to note, when you receive, always give thanks!  Because as quick as you receive if you are not appreciative you lose it.  

We always manifest our experiences whether we know it, or want to, so we may as well consciously manifest good things.  I urge you to try it. Ask, receive, believe and achieve!  It is always given.

Monday, 19 September 2011

Spender Or Saver?

I  am a Spender striving to become a born again Saver.

I have an old Uncle George, who for as long as I can remember while I was growing up, said to me '....make sure you save Girl.'  When I became an adult he added ' Try and pay lump sums on your mortgage.'

At the time I was pretty nonchalant about it, but he was right of course.  If I was wise enough to heed his advice back then, I would possibly be financially free today, but I am a bit of a spender.  A spender working on becoming a saver.

Admittedly I have made a few wise purchases. Nonetheless more often than not, I do not buy what I need, but what I want.  Fortunately I now have control over impulse buying, especially big purchases, but how often do we buy something that remains in the wardrobe with the tag on for months?  Or a pair of shoes that were damn uncomfortable in the shop and we convinced ourselves they would stretch as they were leather?  Those same cute shoes then pinched so much when worn, that you vowed NEVER to let them near your blistered feet again.

I just returned from New York and I was surprised how little I bought.  However what I did buy was expensive.  One of my purchases was my first pair of what I deem as expensive shoes (it's all relative, if you collect Laboutin's for a living this is pocket change).  I bought a cute pair of Jimmy Choos.

I am a sucker for a bargain and historically I thought that the idea of paying $100s of dollars for a pair of shoes was bordering on insane.  However these were on sale from $710 to $535.  Therefore I convinced myself that was a bargain and that I was worth it, then proceeded to make the purchase.  You know what,  until I had written this just now I had completely forgot about them!  Ridiculous!

I think they're cute, snake skin, made in Italy, and you can literally smell the quality, but are they really worth that price? Hell no!  Can I justify it by convincing myself I am worth it? Hell no again!  I can afford them so that is not the problem, but does that mean I should have bought them?  Say it with me, hell no!  Simply because I forgot about them before I even wore them once.

This is where the problem lies.  I by no means think we should work hard and not enjoy the fruits of our labour, but it makes sense not to do so in a nonsensical way.  In order for me to be an example to KC and to teach him how to manage his money, I need to manage mine better now.  That $500 would have covered my monthly utilities, all of them! Am I beginning to sound like Uncle George?

I will continue to treat myself. However in appreciating the value of money One must strike an equilibrium.  Therefore being so thrifty that we are mean and deprive ourselves of things we can afford doesn't work for me either.  All the same, my aim in life is to strive to be a better me.  In doing so I can clearly do better with managing my finances.

So unless you have half a years salary cash saved and more if possible, think twice before buying those Jimmy Choo shoes.  Thanks to the person that triggered these thoughts!  I am going to rock them tomorrow though anyway - will post a pic!


Sunday, 18 September 2011

Make It Possible.

It is always impossible until it is done - Nelson Mandela.  This is my current mantra.  

There is so much I want to do and often times I just do not seem to be able to achieve it all.  I feel like I am not managing my time effectively to get it all done.   Pretty ironic considering my profession is incumbent upon managing time.

 I seem to get some things done, other days most things done, but I want to get all things done.  Is this possible?  Probably not.  

I  do realise that I can be pretty hard on myself and try to remember that Rome was not built in a day.  Regardless, how do you manage your time to feel satisfied that you have done all you can do and not have an overwhelming feeling that it is impossible?

1) Make a list of goals. This provides a sense of clarity.

2) Prioritise these goals.  This can catapult you from being drowned in a sentiment of disorder to a feeling of being more organized.

3) Be realistic and manage your expectations. This will help you to set goals that are achievable as opposed to those befitting a Superhero.

4) Break your goals down into achievable portions. By minimizing the things you need to do at a given time you can get more done.

5)Praise yourself when you do achieve, as it motivates you to continue.

With that, one of my goals was to have an early night so that I can feel rested and ready to give my all next week.

Any other tips you have on making the impossible possible, please let me know.


Friday, 16 September 2011

Desperation Smells Worse Than Perspiration....

We have all suffered trying times...Unfulfilled relationships, dissatisfied with a job. Some people are unable to pay their bills, make ends meet, find employment.

Whatever your woes, in desperate times resist the temptation to act in desperation.  It tends to end up being a case of jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Resulting in regrettable behavior, missed opportunities, feeling the sorrow of 'if only' and worst of all embarrassment.   Subsequently self pity unfolds and a whole realm of negative vibes begin to ensue. 

Often times, those around you can tell you are desperate.  They lose interest in you, respect for you and are sometimes repelled by you.  You know why?  As desperation smells worse than perspiration.  Who wants to be around someone emitting bad vibes?  It demonstrates a lack of confidence, self worth and in some cases a lack of dignity. 

We must know that things will get better. For sure they may get worse before doing so, but they will be better in time. You see upon reflection, you know the bad experience is probably not the first one you have had. You got through the last one and the others that follow.  Just like you will get through the one you may encounter now.

So when you hate your job take the time to contemplate the next one to ensure it is suitable.  Research, and plan to get one that fulfills your desires and needs (whether that be monetary, job satisfaction or whatever else).   Avoid whining, moaning and taking an offer for another role you know deep down is unsuitable.

If you cannot make ends meet, perhaps get a second job if possible or use your God-given talents to provide a second income.  There are so many of us out there that have abilities we don't use.  Teach English to a foreigner, stack shelves in a supermarket, just don't desperately approach a loan shark and pay 10 times what you borrowed!

When your partner leaves you for another, don't get on your knees and beg them to love you. Love yourself, stand tall and find someone else better next time.  You chose to be with the wrong person perhaps choose someone very different in future.

When you feel that your child has deliberately hurt your feelings, don't instinctively react with hateful words. Seek to understand why they act that way.  You see hurt people hurt.  Maybe they are in pain and are acting without the malice that you think is intended.  Find a way to reach out to them even if it means doing so via someone else.

Bottom line, we need to own our actions, take pride in ourselves and act the way we want to be treated.  You want to be treated with respect, be respectful, you want to be a given a fair chance, do so unto others.  You want love, emit love.

When we act desperate, we will be treated as such.  Don't smell of perspiration, smell of good vibrations.

Blessings Scr1be (aka ChAna)

Thursday, 15 September 2011

Self Preservation = Inspiration!

I had a wonderful trip to New York, albeit an exhausting one!  I have come back in great spirits and am inspired to be a better me - physically.

To date, my focus has been predominately on the betterment of myself in a spiritual sense. However I have neglected to focus on the physical. Not the pedicures, hairstyles and cute outfits, but my body on a whole.

We tend to forget that we are tripartite - mind, body and spirit.  One cannot function optimally without the other and as such we need to take care of each element of our tripartite selves.  This should be  something we do on an ongoing basis.

Therefore, my focus will not only be on my spiritual growth, but my physical well being too (the mind I have always habitually taken care of with constant seeking knowledge, reading, and so on).

In order to achieve these I will set some documented, realistic, measurable goals - Weight gain, exercise regularly, change my image to suit how I feel (vibrant, elegant, and chic), and eating well (more portions):

1) Gain weight - I do not have a goal weight however I do know what I want to see when I look in the mirror.  Fuller toned figured would be great!  Measurement of success = weight  and muscle gain.

2) Exercise regularly - I will go to the gym at least twice a week to gain physical strength and fitness. Measurement of success = ability to run longer distances and lift more weights.

3) Change my physical appearance - still deciding on this one but am moving towards a radical change of hair colour and/or style. Measurement of success will be clear with before and after pics.

4) Eat more food and regularly.  Measurement of success is habitual increase of meal intake from 3 to 4+ a day of good, healthy portions.

Time frame to have all these goals achieved are 6 months. Thus by March 2012 I will have gained weight, strength, fitness, and have a new overall physical appearance.

I think we should all do something annually to inspire us to be our best self mentally, spiritually and physically.  Maybe you are physically fit but you feel down.  Think about it. Could you eat healthier? Do you exercise enough? Do you have fun and laugh to uplift your spirit? Is your mind settled and free of strife? 

As Aristotle said: 'Happiness depends upon ourselves'.  If you don't like what you see looking back at you in the mirror change it.  If you don't feel good spiritually, get yourself on track.  If your mind is unsettled seek solace. Don't just exist. Be, do and take part in your life.


Sunday, 4 September 2011

Bending To Adjust.

'NOT all fingers are of same LENGTH, but when they are BENT, all stand in EQUAL length. Similarly, LIFE becomes easier & stronger when we BEND & ADJUST to certain situations.'

I thought this was beautiful.  This came from a wise old young lady of 10 years of age... is more amazing is it is true, try it! Bend your fingers and look!  If all of us adapted and learnt to do so from an age as young as Rashika, the world would be a better place.

It has been a little while since I last blogged.  Besides being extremely hectic (yes I know, same ol' same ol'), I have been feeling uninspired and tired.  So I thought it best to take a respite as things were taking their toll. 

As you know, I believe we have choices, I feel that we are not victims of our circumstances and we contribute to how things go for us, the good and the bad.  Upon taking this time to reflect, I keep reminding myself that I have far more things to be grateful for then otherwise. 

You see, everything for me is a situation that I have manifested to get me to the next step.  As life cannot exist without opposites then it stands to reason that I will manifest good things and bad things.  It is what it is.  However I have to remember that it is a stepping stone to better things - always!   With this in mind I must adapt, bend and be flexible. Become stronger by adjusting to the situations.

This is the event that made me realise that although I was talking the talk, I was not walking the walk:

I am currently in New York, and since arriving, I have hardly smiled.  I was beyond being grateful that I could take the time out to have this trip and celebrate one of my great friends getting wed.  The overwhelming fatigue clouded my judgement for a moment. 

We endured a 22+ hour flight.  I had also not slept for over 30 hours, and when I did eventually fall asleep, KC woke me up after 4 or so hours then proceeded to make every noise he was able to.  Sufficed to say the expression on my face for the last couple of days has not been delightful. 

It is now past midnight and he is still driving his trains around me on the desk, singing, producing excellent train sound effects and being a typical kid.  He is functioning on Asian time (it is now 12:46pm at home).  The difference is, I am not grimacing, I am smiling.

Fortunately when he slept earlier I decided to sleep again too.  As a result I am awake and feeling fine, he is playing and enjoying himself, while my Mother is lightly snoring in the background oblivious to his noise. It was something so simple, just a case of adapting, bending, and being flexible to make good of the situation.  After all holidaying in New York is not a bad situation to be in.

Someone said to me before I left that he was happy for me to be going away, I suspiciously asked him why, he said 'I am happy as you are happy.'  I left excited and got here complaining as I had to experience a long flight.  Now I knew it was a long flight, so I need to get over myself and be grateful!! 

I am in a great and interesting city with my family.   I am going to shop until I drop, have fun, and have a wonderful time.  I am already having fun if I only realised it.  So here I am back on track, blogging to my peeps and ready to enjoy!!!

Thank you for over 1000 views by those of you that are showing an interest in what I have written in the last couple of months since I started blogging.  A special thank you to my friend in Sweden for reading as regularly as you do!!


ChAna H