Sunday, 10 July 2011

Does Living Away From Your Family And Leaving Your Past Hinder Ones Future?

Men and Women really think differently (that's a whole topic of conversation in itself). 

There has been a stark difference between the feedback I have had on the whole Aspergers topic from my Male friends Vs my Female friends.

My female friends have empathised, sympathised and recognised the struggle of being a Single Mother raising a son.  They have acknowledged. My male friends' reaction has been very different.   They are not accepting that it is as simply as ABC or in this case Aspergers.

When this whole situation initially arose a few months back, I spoke to my family about it.  My younger Brother shook his head in disbelief.   He thinks that KC merely needs some positive male influence in his life and to be surrounded by family.  He alluded to the fact that although our life is significantly better in Asia, that  the Asian culture may not be 100% conducive to KC's needs. 

My Brother said that in his interaction with KC, he deemed that KC is an Indigo Child.

Admittedly the definition does fit KC's personality for the most part.  Nonetheless to be honest I had never heard of this until my Brother mentioned it. 

Likewise, my Honey said at the time, 'Nonsense....he is a 4 year old boy with a strong personality who knows what he does and doesn't want to do and expresses that....Not all kids develop at the same time.' 

My other little brother (not my blood relative but a kindred spirit), wrote a very profound mail to me on Friday.  I won't quote him word for word but he too reiterated that KC is immersed in a culture that is not his own.  A conformist culture which for a child that is non-conformist can be difficult. 

He said 'A warrior trapped in a shopping mall will even eat soap.....nothing strange about it.'  It made me chuckle, but I get what he is trying to say and it resonated with me.   He went on to say that I should give KC room to kick around and hang/socialise with kids like him.  I think he is right.

Coincidentally I am sending KC to spend the Summer with the family in the UK.  Quality 1-2-1 time with his TonTon (uncle in French), and time with his Grandma, Cousins, Aunts and Uncles.

 It makes me think though. KC  was born in Australia, and we moved here when he was 6 months old.  He has never lived in the UK and has never been around his family. One would think then that he would adapt to his surroundings as this is all he knows. In saying that, I was born in the UK and have never felt the bond with the country that I feel with Asia, so where you have grown up may not have any bearing on where you feel more settled or at ease.   Therefore it is possible my brothers are right?!!! 

I want to give KC the best opportunities.  However my experience and the benefits I have had moving away from the family may not be what he needs.  As such I am seeking a compromise.  I intend to give him a chance to be surrounded by an environment that befits him (even if it is only for the Summer, Easter or Christmas).

He is really looking forward to seeing his family next week.  Above all, he is healthy, happy and loved.

Has my leaving the family behind in the past been a hindrance to my future (my Son)?  Time, trial and error will tell!

1 comment:

  1. Oh my! I totally relate to this post ...
    I've came to almost the same conclusion as ur brother, concerning my son: it's a big challenge for them to immerse in a culture that is not theirs.
    We hale lots of things to talk about :-)