Monday, 17 October 2011

I Want You vs. I need you.

It feels so good to be needed right? But is it not much better to be wanted more than needed?

The difference although subtle is between someone having you around in a more addictive, codependent sense rather than genuinely desiring your presence.

I used to think it was great to feel needed.  My son needing my help made me feel special.  I could nurture him and be his everything.

However I realise that for both of us, positioning him to not need me and to be independent is far better.  Giving him the tools to do for himself and feel at liberty to call on me knowing that I am here for him whenever he wants, is more conducive to helping him form into a mature young man.

It is not just with our children that we need to consider the consequences of neediness.  Being with a partner that needs you more than they want you can potentially lead to an unhealthy relationship and the onset of resentment.  You tend to do more giving than receiving and feel taken for granted.   On their side it is also possible that if it were not for their innate need for what you provide them with, they may have moved on by now.

Neediness has a direct connection to weakness.  A feeling of not being able to function without something or someone. Why would we want another to be around us for this reason?

My team that I managed, I know I have done so successfully if they are fully functional in my absence.  However there are some who feel their significance is diminished if there presence is not needed.

The measure of your success is not by those who cannot function without you but those who you have taught to function appropriately alongside you. You may not be needed by them but you will most definitely be wanted.

By giving guidance as opposed to making decisions for others they are more likely to be better equipped to think for themselves rather than be clueless when required to come to a conclusion.  By allowing them to do for themselves, you are providing them with the foundations to grow, have self worth and be positioned to contribute to their own lives more effectively.

Encourage strength and independence.  Enable those to seek your counsel rather than see you as an emotional crutch.

Be the person that someone else wants, not the person that someone else needs.
I want you... Sounds so much more desirable than I need you... Don't you think?

Blessings, Love & Happiness!

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