Friday, 26 August 2011

Your Soul's Purpose.

Do you ever wonder what your purpose is?  Why you are here and what difference you are making?  Will you be missed by anyone when your spirit leaves this earth?  Will anyone care? 

I have been wondering about this more and more.  I think my purpose is to live a happy and fulfilled life and to ensure that I make some sort of difference for others beginning with those around me (at work, at home etc). 

Charity begins at home, so I started by looking in my back yard first and seeing if I am achieving my soul's purpose at all.  I provide KC with quite an opulent life. He wants for nothing but is that enough? 

Spending time, showing my appreciation, taking a moment to fully interact and show him love and attention.  Now that is worth so much more.  It is particularly important to demonstrate love and attention.  A 5 minute query asking about some one's day means more than you ever realise.

Many families go through a day without saying hardly anything to each other. How can you live with someone and not talk?  I now try to have a discussion with him daily.  I make a point of letting him know I love him, I get him to describe his day, take a moment to play and have fun and to show him my presence.

My purpose with respect to him is to be a good mother.  To raise him well.  Give a foundation upon which he can make good decisions for himself.  I want to ensure I make him laugh everyday. I feel that I must provide him with childhood memories that he will cherish always, and that bring a big smile to his face.   So when I am gone he thinks of me and he feels proud.

I am going through a phase where I think I have achieved a lot for myself, and as fortunate as I am, as great as things are, I ask myself (like Heather Smalls sings), 'What have you done today to make you feel proud?'  Not just today, but everyday.

I am proud to say I have a wonderful son, I take care of him and provide for him, I take care of my family how I can, as well as Aunty (my helper) and help her with her family.  That is nice and all, but I don't feel a great sense of pride, I think that is the least I should be doing.   Yes I do volunteer work too, however I don't feel that I am doing anything that particularly stands out and makes me feel proud.

I do not want to start over committing and achieve nothing, however I need to do more.  I have been blessed with so much, I have to give back more to maintain a balance. 

My mother got up one day, started training and then did a sponsored run for Charity.  She has never been active in sports.  She just decided to do it and did.  That is showing purpose.

She has inspired me to do something more.  Giving money is easier than getting your hands dirty.  I need to get my hands dirty, show some purpose and make a difference.  It will be good for my soul. 

I will keep you posted on what things I start to do.  In the meantime think about  - What's you're purpose?  What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Blessings!

Thursday, 25 August 2011

Release The Child Within

When was the last time you had fun?  When was the last time you laughed until you cried?
So many of us hardly have REAL fun anymore.  The thing is, we have no idea why. 

As a child, having fun was so easy.  Running around in circles until you collapsed with dizziness was enough to have you giggling with glee.  As a teenager, simple things like hanging out with friends, resulted in laughter and good times. 

As we age, seemingly we need to force ourselves to take things less seriously.  Lighthearted is an adjective so far removed from day-to-day life.  Why is this? We really need to loosen up and laugh. 

As the only way to have fun is by force, I am making a concerted effort to do so.  Last weekend I spent quality time with my friends.  We ate, watched movies, danced and laughed hard.  It was so great for the spirit.  I went home feeling blessed.

This weekend I will go out with friends and dance the night away.  What is worrying, is how much effort it takes to do so.  Do you know how many times I plan ahead to have fun and when the time comes, I make an excuse to stay at home and do something more boring instead?

However now that I am more mindful of how I conduct myself and the life I live, I realise that going through life on auto-pilot is not sustainable.  Ultimately, life is way too serious.  The bills, the kids, the relationships, the jobs.  They can all get quite intense. So to maintain an equilibrium, especially when times get tough, I think  it has to be about the merriment. 

Stop the chaos, have fun, and laugh loud like the child within.  Life is too short...

It's the game of life. Do I win or do I lose? One day they're gonna shut the game down. I gotta have as much fun and go around the board as many times as I can before it's my turn to leave.  Tupak Shakur

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Be Nothing But Yourself

How many times do we do what people expect of us as opposed to what we really want?   Do you think that is the cause of so much unhappiness that we experience?  We become a Lawyer to make our parents proud, as opposed to a Librarian that our heart desires.

We study for 4 years at University as society says education is key, rather than leaving high school and starting our dream business selling vintage clothes.  We rush to get married and have children as all our friends are getting married, then end up divorced.  When really all we wanted to do was be single.

Generally, we do not live our dream life because we feel compelled to conform and fear our ability to make the right choices. 

You know what you need to do? Find what works for you and go for it!  Work it! Be it!  Do it!  Be happy and do what you have to do.  They say we reap what we sow.  Therefore shouldn't we plant seeds of happiness so that joyful flowers bloom?

I am not suggesting that we should use this as an excuse to do nothing and be a parasite on society.  However if you can afford to do nothing and that is what you want to do - then why not? 

Being your true self just seems right to me.  How can it be wrong?  The hard part is knowing what your calling really is.  That should be your focus.  Find out what is right for you and be YOU!

'This above all; to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.'  William Shakespeare

Monday, 22 August 2011

Updates...

Charity - For those that have been following my blog,  I eventually raised $494 for my Mum's sponsored run.  I should have raised more but I think that is a good start.  I will be donating the cheque to her when we meet in New York in 2 weeks - I will post a picture of the event!

Family - KC spent the summer in the UK and he has come back transformed.  I kid you not!  I was inspired to write this blog as I feared that KC had Aspergers although this was never diagnosed (due to comments made by his speech therapists).  With the support of my family and friends we decided to disprove that theory.

My brother and friend Kindred said that all he needed was to be with his family and surrounded by his culture, and they were right.  He has matured so much in a month and his language development his improved ridiculously.

I received a report from his speech therapist today and she said amongst other things '...he is 90% intelligible in connected speech...more mature in his conversation and interaction...he was super compliant and his level of effort was super.'  Sufficed to say I am elated.  Yes it is early days, but we cannot take back the fact that he is having intelligible conversations now, when 4 weeks ago his responses were sporadic.

I know that he is shy and his behaviour was connected to his lack of conversation skills but to improve in such a short time is amazing.  He is still young and has ways to go like all 5 year olds.  Nonetheless, I will do my utmost to ensure he has continuous verbal interaction with myself and others, that he spends more time with like minded kids, and I will send him home as many times as I can.

This result has confirmed for me the notion that 'life really has no meaning except for the meaning you give it.'  You really can change things by changing your thoughts about it. 

My Little Brother had a major part to play and in some ways I think he was more determined to disprove the theory than I ever imagined.  I am so thankful to him.  Since KC returned, I have not seen any of the signs in him (that were there before) that make him stand out more than any other child. 

His demeanour has changed, his composure also.  You know he asked me how my day was at work today? He said  'Mama it is so good to see you' last week. These simple gestures would never have been expressed 30 days ago.  He shares his thoughts and questions things in a cute age appropriate way.  He just amazes me and I am so blessed!  I'll be crying at his Graduation from Cambridge yet - the Eagle has landed!

I guess in trying times, there is always a candle that shines.  My baby, who now seems like such a big boy, is my shining light.  I am so happy!

Blessings.

Saturday, 20 August 2011

Turn The Search-Light Inwards...

When going through conflicting times I always seek to find out what I have contributed to my situation and how I can do better next time.  I have decided that I am giving myself until the end of the week to be self-indulgent regarding these difficult moments, and then it is moving onwards and upwards.

It probably sounds funny to hear that I admit deliberately wallowing in self pity for a given period right?  However for me there is nothing wrong with grieving, or pining, or feeling sorry for yourself as long as it is for a limited time, and you do not make other people around you suffer as a result of your self imposed pity party. 

With the latter in mind, I have been trying my best not to go on too much about how annoyed, upset or tired I feel about the events of the last two weeks, but I have not succeeded.  Thank God for the people I have around me that are my sounding boards and pillars of support, for without them I would go insane!

As I only have one day left on this pity parade, I am preparing myself for getting back on track and appreciating the greatness I have within my life.  It is time to use that appreciation to tackle the feelings of anger and pain.   However first of all, I am turning on the search light and looking within.  I am starting with self, and seeking to find where I went wrong, so that I do not knowingly take that path again. 

In his infamous book Don Quixote - Miguel de cervantes said: 'Honesty is the best policy.'  I think you will find that if you live by that, life is sooooo much simpler.  It is easy to blame others for ones misgivings and when things go wrong.  Nonetheless, if we are honest with ourselves, we know that we are not blameless.  In addition, I am repelled by the victim mentality, so I take ownership and by owning the problem, I am better equipped to eliminate it. 

I believe we create a lot of our situations. Thus, I have come to the conclusion, that my contribution to the outcome of all the 3 circumstances that have crushed my soul these weeks, is that in some way or other, I have not fully shown what is within.  

Being true to oneself is paramount! By turning the search-light inwards, I realise now, that I have not been truly honest with myself.   As a result, I have not been honest with others. Not out and out lying, that is not what I am saying here, but giving the impression something is ok, or ignoring when something does not bode well is a form of not being honest about who you are and what you believe in. 

Doing things due to feelings of obligation.  Not wanting to disappoint others.  These are all fear based actions which go against my 'fearless' mindset.  Ultimately, my not being honest about my true feelings is the common denominator in all 3 situations.

So now it is time to love myself unconditionally, go with what is right for me and fear not.  I must keep that search-light within shining to check on myself so I don't wreck myself.  Tell it like it is. 

If you want something say it.  If you don't want it say it.  Don't be a victim, don't be a self imposed prisoner.  Turn the search-light inwards and shine.  I really have to listen to myself and practice what I preach! 

With that as my goal I will let the good times roll (I didn't intentionally rhyme there but I like it)!

Blessings!

Thursday, 18 August 2011

Don't Live In The Past!


Do you realise how many people live in the past?  It is amazing.  Sure, we are moulded by our experiences and as such we are influenced by things that have happened, but goodness gracious people have to start to move on.  I realise that I too have set myself some limitations due to historic events that I have experienced, but as of now that is going to change.

What is worse than living in the past is being in denial about doing so.  Like Dostoyevsky said 'Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.'   It is really dangerous to be limited by your past.  To not take risks as you failed before.  To not love, as your ex hurt you.  I know it isn't easy but it has got to be done.  Live in the now.  Be here today. 

You see, we can have no effect on the past.  It is gone and it will never change.  It makes it difficult to face reality when you are constantly looking back.  You may have been hurt, you may have had a hard childhood, a painful marriage, a terrible time at school.  That must not be the reason you stagnate or worse regress.

Constantly reminiscing and being obsessed with life as it was, can rob us of a great future.  It can rob you of fulfilling your dreams and it can rob you of happiness.  Your vision will be clouded, you will not see the wood for the trees and missed opportunities will result in regret.

The possibilities that are out there are vast, we can grasp them if we refuse to live in the past.

Blessings!

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Fearless!

I have had a very tough week.  Problems with Business partners, friends/those I care about, and just in general it has not been a good time.  With the events that have taken place I have questioned how  I contributed to the trying times.  What could I have done differently? 

Certainly I could have done things differently and I have had a part to play in the disastrous week I have had, but it is what it is.   We need to accept, go with what we believe is right, not undermine our own integrity, be fearless and deal with the consequences of our actions.  

You see as Ralph Emerson said, 'Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right.'  With this in mind I know I have to smile in the face of the critics (even though it is a bitter pill to swallow) and get on with it. 

To be honest I do this with relative ease.  I learnt a long time ago that it is ok to disagree with someone else's opinion.  It is ok to agree to differ.  In fact I prefer to go that route than invest my time into a diatribe of who is right and who is wrong. 

Personally my greatest fears are failing as a mother, loss of control/my faculties and loss of freedom. I fear them more than death, more than anything.   Other than that I try to live my life fearless.  If ever I get enraptured in fear and anxiety I counteract them with Love and positive vibes.  It sounds new age for sure, but it works for me. 

The thing is if I am paralysed by fear I lose control.  I don't like to be out of control.  Hence it stands to reason that I will do what it takes to be fearless.   I really believe that Osho was so right when he said 'Go with fearlessness. You have nothing to lose, and you have the whole universe to gain.'  Armoured with that in mind I approach things with a view that I have nothing to lose.

Try it.  It transforms you.  It transforms the way you conduct yourself.  You emit confidence and self assurance.  When faced with a fearful situation know it will be ok in the end and it usually is.

I don't fear failing, I learn from it.  I don't fear being wrong, I just know what is right next time, today is always the beginning of the rest of my life so one mistake made yesterday is a lesson learnt for tomorrow.

Admittedly this approach doesn't always instantly get the desired results.  Sometimes I go fearless and fall flat on my face.  When that happens I get up, sometimes have a cry, dust myself off and take that experience with me ensuring that I try to not repeat it.  However in the end it always works out for the best.

So in these trying times, I am not fearing the decisions made, the unexpected criticisms received, the curve balls thrown my way by those I care about.  I fear not as I have the whole universe to gain and it is ok for you to disagree with my approach, as I agree to differ.

Blessings!

Sunday, 14 August 2011

The Greatest!

When you think of 'the greatest', one of the first people that comes to mind is Muhammad Ali.


Ali said 'I just figured if  I said I'm the greatest enough, I could convince the world.'  Is it really that simple?  I mean it worked.  However I think it is also the fact that he believed he was the greatest too that had a lot more to do with how Great he actually became.


I have mentioned that I aim to give more than 100%.  I aim to do so in all aspects of my life.  Mediocrity has become boring for me and I really want to start to make even more of a difference in my life and to the life of others around me.


I have long since felt that I need to conduct myself in a manner that does not incur regret.  I am also trying to cultivate happiness, peace of mind and a joyful disposition.  My problem is quietening the mind.  Budda said 'A battle within is more intense than any external obstacle.'  This is so true!  I am constantly over thinking, analysing and by the time I am done I sometimes forget that I aim to maintain peace of mind.


As a result, I am trying to invoke more self awareness,  and do another thing that budda advised, 'Shape the mind like unto an arrow. Give it direction, purpose and sharpness.'    I need to cultivate the mind and stop it from heading me in the opposite direction from were I intended.


With this in mind, I will continue getting up and appreciating a new day.  Being more focused, meditative and in control of the noise and distractions within.  Above all, keep believing and achieving. After all if  it worked for Mohammed Ali, it can work for me.  Who knows, maybe in my world I can be the Greatest!


By the way, KC is back looking as handsome as ever.  It was the trip of a lifetime for him and a turning point for us both.  He learnt about his family in the UK, I learnt to appreciate the time we have and will do my utmost to make the most of it.

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Can Changing Your Attitude Change Your Life?

It has been a traumatic week with the riots in the UK.  So much blame, and shame has taken place.  It is unfortunate that events like this occur and even more unfortunate that innocent people have been subjected to bitter attacks and loss.

Many of us are asking what is the reason for this.  I honestly do not feel placed to give an opinion as I am so far removed from British society.  Whatever the reason, I do feel it is unjustified to take it to the degree that it was taken.

I was so shocked by the intensity and the severity of it all, but I have heard many that have  said it was on the cards.  This has ranged from politicians (Nigel Clegg - http://www.twitmunin.com/v/365537/nick-clegg-warns-of-riots-if-tories-are-elected-11apr10/ 
to London youths - http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/video/2011/jul/31/haringey-youth-club-closures-video).

They have given different reasons, both of which may well be contributing factors (I don't believe there is one sole reason).  Nevertheless, I still do not understand the intensity, the greed, the nihilism and the manner of which people of all ages and all races conducted themselves. 

I believe that they had a choice, they did not have to cause the damage they did, they chose to.  I also believe that with strength of character and sheer  determination we can make good of a bad situation (so many people have come from bad and have done good). 

I totally agree with Einstein's view that Weakness Of Attitude Becomes Weakness Of Character.  I am all for standing up for your rights (one of the excuses given by many) but never at the expense of others.  When you hurt someone to alleviate your pain that doesn't make sense to me.

Again I am not in the UK so I cannot say how it is to live in any of the shoes of the poverty stricken, harassed, under privileged people in the UK or anywhere else.  Perhaps this is why I do not understand why there are some people that are seemingly less concerned with  making a future for themselves, by themselves, and more concerned with feeling as if governments or people that are better off owe them a living (this is based on the comments by looters I have seen this week). 

I was not born rich and like many I aspire to being rich, but I intend to do so through hard work and diligence.  I left the UK as I felt that it was not for me anymore.  Prior to doing so, I went to university, got educated, and did what I had to do to get where I want to get.  I had a great supportive mother that worked several jobs to provide for me.  That inspired me to ensure I did 100 times better than her so I have a better life than she did.

Clearly some people created this situation as an opportunity to vent their frustrations, and be pilfering arsonists.  You cannot say that because the government is not to your liking, or you are poor, or harassed by police or because banks were bailed out a couple of years ago that there is justification for burning down your neighbours house and stealing from every shop you can in a mad rage.

I am glad I left, I am glad my son doesn't have to succumb to the mindset that this society manifests (poor people, minorities and whoever else that participated feeling there is no choice but to go crazy on the streets, politicians, historians and others believing it is due to 'Black Culture', and many more totally confused and unable to fathom the meaning of it all).

Maya Angelou said: 'When we know better, we do better.'  Unfortunately for those that chose to partake in this atrocious historical event, they don't seem to act like they know better.  However if anyone is going to get ahead in life they certainly have to DO BETTER!

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

Always A Mother!

There’s a saying: ‘ You never miss your water until your well runs dry.’   A few weeks ago, I decided to make the most of my time alone, as my son was going to be on holidays for a month in the UK.  Upon his departure, I was celebrating having time to myself and planned different things to do in order to keep me occupied or in some cases unoccupied (as I managed to sleep more than I have in years).


In essence, I have been free of parental responsibilities for a month and I have 4 days left until Motherhood returns.  KC is actually missing me as much as I miss him now and wants to come home.  I was beginning to wonder what the deal was, as during our calls, he appeared to show little interest in me and our life at home.  


Up until last week, he was quite happy being 1000s of miles away. It took almost 3 weeks, however he has finally started to miss me – yeah! I actually miss him heaps too.  I am looking forward to meeting him at the airport on Sunday, giving him a big hug, several kisses and a high five! 


Although I speak to him most days and I see him online, that is no substitute for hugging my baby. I have enjoyed my time out.  I have managed to spend time on pampering myself,  resting well, having quiet times and not doing anything.  I managed to meet friends at a drop of a hat, leave my laptop on the table without fear of it being tampered with.  I could play my music loud, I could sleep in late.  I travelled guilt free and spent time with Honey. 


It has been great!  Nevertheless, I cannot wait to settle back into my routine and be Mama again. The morning chats, the hurried hugs before school.  The being engaged while the days events are re-told.  The deciding what activities to partake in so that I can edify my son.  The Mama and Me Sundays.  The book reading, and endless explaining. The shouting when things are not as they should be.  The simple gesture of looking at him and seeing how he has grown - I swear his voice has even changed since he left…..


I look forward to the noise (we are so noisy the two of us), the laughter, the friendship, the growing and the caring.  These are far more important than my time out.  I needed that time out though to enable me to appreciate how good it feels to be a Mother.   How often do you want something to change and then when it takes place you yearn for things to return to how they were before?  It is funny isn’t it? 


I have to make the most of these years as I can never get them back.  Don’t get me wrong, I will be sending him home to the family again.  We’ll be back in London next Summer.  Nonetheless, I appreciate that the moments we share are irreplaceable.   I am eagerly awaiting my baby’s arrival home, and no matter how hard child rearing can be, regardless of how far he is, I will always love being his Mother!

Monday, 8 August 2011

Where Are All The Parents? London War 2011!

I am sitting here awestruck and shaking my head at the beyond insane images of my City!  I am a Londoner born and bred.  I left 7 years ago as I saw that it was getting worse.  Nevertheless, I did not ever imagine when I left, that this would be what I would see in 2011 or at any time.  Now I know I was right to leave - these images tell me why. 

http://www.mirror.co.uk/?bcpid=18731164001&bckey=AQ~~,AAAAAPudZCE~,XX4gHkw25zFiuQUSLkikqQTj_Xskce7I&bclid=0&bctid=1097390660001

What is the world coming to?  When do we take ownership for our actions and stop using excuses for creating anarchy?  So many people say this was a long time coming, they are not surprised...Who is at fault here?  I ask where are the parents of these little kids I see that look only a little older than my son (he's 5) looting shops?

No one is being vocal and giving any justification for how burning someone's home or place of business, or stealing trainers and a TV, relates to the death of a young man in a London community.  Reason being, there just is no correlation.  It is pure opportunist theft.

Where is the rationale for creating havoc, chaos and mad damage?  I see all the places I am familiar with under fire.  Hackney where I was born, Ilford a minute from where my son is staying on holiday as I write, Camden where I lived for several years just before leaving the UK.  This is my back yard and I feel so sad to see that it has come to this.  When did people become so inhumane and insane?

I pray the government gets it right and starts putting funds into the communities and policing instead of making gardens pretty (I just heard news yesterday of multi-millions being used to renovate gardens in the UK for goodness sakes).

I pray that people get educated and stop being ghetto. 

I pray for those poor innocent people that have lost their livelihoods - I pray for your strength in such trying times.

Bob Marley's final words to his son Ziggy were "Money can't buy life".

I pray that those faceless youths causing mayhem realise this.  There is so much more to life than material things.  People matter more.  The pain they are causing is not worth it.  Instead of ruining lives, they should seek to get a life.

Blessings.

A quick feel good factor – Smile!

I woke up today in a great mood and was feeling exceptionally blessed.  I had a very restful weekend.  Besides spending time with my niece and taking her on a play-date, it was quite uneventful.


So as mentioned, I woke up this morning with a rather sunny disposition.  Singing along while getting dressed, I felt extremely appreciative and grateful.  I appreciate my nice home, the abundance of choices I have. I felt well put together and glad that I had a good job to go to.  Above all I have less than a week until my baby comes home – yeah!


The walk along the canal to the station is always a pleasant one.  It was a nice day at 33degress Celsius (91.4 F) and there was a finite breeze that caught me at regular intervals.  Seemingly, while walking, I must have been smiling.  I began noticing that when I caught the eye of passers by, they smiled at me. It was at this point that I wondered if I smiled at everyone I saw, what would happen? 


It is absolutely amazing how contagious a smile is.  I scanned the person approaching before hand as some people you just cannot randomly smile at.  However subsequently, I purposefully smiled at the vast majority of people that passed me and they all smiled back!  


A couple of people did a double take.  Clearly they didn’t expect a smile from a stranger.  Nonetheless they did smile back.  Some even bared their teeth.  As silly as it may sound, I felt like I made their day.  It made my day anyway (well morning at least).  Happy people make for a happy atmosphere and you feel good in a happy atmosphere.  


I do not advocate smiling at people that quite frankly look untoward.  Also it depends where you are.  I recollect returning to the UK some years back and smiling at a lady.  This woman gave me the most disgusted look that she could muster and abruptly turned her head away.  I was stunned and thought - whatever happened to common courtesy?


Regardless, I think it is worth a try.  I am sure it is not just me and it will work for anyone.  I think I will try it every Monday as this is the hardest day of the week for me.  I will use it as a quick feel good fix to fight the ‘Monday Morning Blues’.  I am still having a great day thus far.  Even if things do get annoying, I intend to wash them away with a smile.  


Go on, give it a go!

Friday, 5 August 2011

Are Women Control Freaks?

Why do we Women feel the need to be in control of everything (yes this is a generalisation)?   This is very prevalent in our handling of relationships with our partners. 


We want to ensure that every stage of the relationship goes according to plan.  We plan the dating in our head and rehearse how it should go.  We get on the date and we think about how our futures will be with this person.  We start seeing them seriously and we dream up the details of our wedding day and how our kids will look. We have the wedding and kids, then it is the university graduation of the kids, the birth of the grand kids and the retirement plan. 


There is nothing wrong with planning forward but we often risk not enjoying the essence of relating to our partners in the moment, as we are too busy envisaging living life years ahead.


Men live in the hear and now.  If it feels good now they are into it.  If it doesn't they are not, and if it constantly feels wrong in the moment, they are gone!  If not in body then definitely in spirit.


It took me a while to realise this about guys and now I do as Pierre Corneille said: 'Do your duty and leave the rest to the Gods.'  I do my best for the here and now, then leave the rest to the heavens.  Do you know, things usually work out just fine.


I am realising that trying to totally control a relationship's destiny is too much like hard work.  It is more fulfilling to appreciate the good things now and nurture them as opposed to getting caught up in what might occur next year.  It is not just relationships.  We want to control everything so life can be perfect.  Nothing is perfect when will we realise this? 


We even want to control the toilet seat.  Do you know how many couples have arguments about this?  Typically instigated by us women (yes I was guilty in a past life, now I just put the seat down when I need to use it, just like he lifts it up when he needs to use it).   Where was it written that it should be down or indeed up anyway?  However full blown debates will occur about the apparent disposition of a toilet seat. 


The point is, we simply do not have time to waste being pedantic and controlling all the time (this goes for both men and women).  I know I am a lot more laid back, and certain things that would have been bothersome hold little importance nowadays.  I try not to be bothered to be honest. 


You know leaving life to the Gods, or Universe or whatever one believes in (and if you do not believe in a higher power then leaving things to Chance) is much less pressure. Let things just happen sometimes, and if it isn't how you hoped it would be, it probably shouldn't be.  Stop forcing, controlling and just '...leave the rest to the Gods.It feels great I tell you.


Try it and let me know!

Wednesday, 3 August 2011

Help!...

Why do people think that by admitting that you cannot cope, it means that you are inadequate?  


I was very upset to hear that a dear friend is in desperate need of help and chose to try and deal with her troubles alone.   It also broke my heart to know that I am so engrossed with my world that I did not see any signs of her need for help.  Nevertheless, we all have a duty to ensure that we seek help when we need it, and do not become engulfed in life’s troubles.


I have mentioned previously that I never fear asking for help and I certainly do not deem it as a weakness.  I see strength in knowing your limitations and seeking assistance as opposed to fighting a losing battle to the detriment of your health.


I sent KC on a holiday for whole month as I needed time out.  Granted not everyone is positioned to do the same and I am not necessarily advocating sending your child packing when things get difficult. However a problem shared is a problem halved as they say.


My Mother and Brother were grateful that KC was sent to them for the Summer holidays and I will be doing so annually.  KC is having the time of his life with his family that he does not hardly see, and Mama is getting the time to relax, relate and release the tension that has built up.


The point being, many Parents try so hard to be the Champions of Everything.  At the same time they need to feed, clothe, house their kids.  To nourish, teach, love their kids.  To support, influence and be all that parents should be.


For Single Parents the responsibility of two rests solely on the shoulders of one person.  Regardless of how great we are as Single Parents, the parenting of a child should in my opinion be done by at least two people.   A child needs a balance.  One person is unable to provide the appropriate balance.  Human nature dictates that one person cannot always cope with all that is required of two  people.


Therefore, we need to remember that asking for help is ok.  When our body is giving out, or our mind is struggling we must seek solace. If we are a two parent family, then ask your partner if you need help.  Sometimes they just do not realise.  If we are alone, then ask someone else you trust.  If friends or family are not an option, maybe seek information from schools, churches or other organisations where you live.


Call a friend, call a family member, do something other than silently suffering and hoping the bad tide will pass.  You see by sitting in a sea of desperation, we may succumb to drowning.  Fighting to keep your head above water is exhausting.


I am going to be there for my friend to the best of my ability.  Monday, I said it is time to say no. Today it is time to say yes.  Yes I am here for you my friend.  I am here!


Be there for a friend.  If you suspect something is wrong it probably is.  Don’t ignore the signs…


If you need help – ask.  Ask and it will probably be given.


Blessings!

Monday, 1 August 2011

Why Is It So Hard To Say No?

It's been a few days since I last blogged.  I have been really busy with Business stuff and starting a new job amongst other things.  It is all rather overwhelming.  Trying to be and do everything all the time is ridiculous!  Sometimes I wonder why I put myself through this, as it is, a choice.

I am trying to keep it together, juggling multiple things in unison, and for what?  For prolonged fatigue,  a ticket on the zzzzz train?  I have realised that I am over-commiting and it is not a good look.  Chinese classes, volunteering, full-time work, studying for an exam, blogging, Mother, Girlfriend, Employee, Baby sitting, keeping the home - it is too much!!  Yes, so many people do it I hear you say, but to their detriment.  I do not want to go out like that.

It is impossible to make an impact if you are plagued by exhaustion.  Running yourself into the ground is a sure way to an early grave.   So I have decided to cut back on some of the many things I am doing at once and focus on doing a smaller amount of things, and to do them well.  

The whole point is to be bliss, yawning in a meeting due to lack of sleep is not bliss.   Counting down the hours so the day is over and you can go to bed is not a good look.  I am supposed to be chasing a dream, not chasing a nightmare.  All this busyness is a nightmare.

In my aim to give more in value than what I receive in cash value, I need to reassess my game plan.  The impact I can have in my work, business, and home life can be so much more fulfilling if I focus more.  How do we manage?  Does it mean that by not being obsessed with busyness that we are not good enough?  

If that is the case, then I can accept not being good enough. It is time to say No.  

John Lennon said: 'Life is what happens to you when your busy making plans.'

I don't want to be so busy I miss the enjoyment of life.  I say it again - It is time to say No.  

Blessings!